Intentional Stress Challenge: Cognitive Flexibility
Progressive challenge series to train the skill that is cognitive flexibility.
ASSuming Me
My family moved from Guam to Southern Maryland in 2020 during the pandemic. At the time my daughter was turning three and my son was just a few months old. Being locked in the house for most of the year due to all the restrictions, my wife and I tried to focus on what we could control, which led to having another child…
All of my children have gone through a shy phase, typically around three years old. Caution around others is completely natural for developing children at different phases and has never been something my wife and I discourage. I’m an outgoing person and enjoy making every interaction with a stranger an opportunity. During my daughter’s and eventually my middle son’s timid times, I would make it a point to engage with others as often as possible just so they could watch perceptually positive interactions regardless of the other person’s attitude. Even when someone was seemingly having a hard day, they could witness how I maintain composure and respect without my attitude or demeanor changing during or after an engagement.
I LOVE playing outside with my kids. We live in a great neighborhood placed on a circular half-mile road which is fantastic for outdoor exertion. One of our favorite activities is taking a bike ride or walk around this loop. With almost 100 homes in my neighborhood, there are many opportunities to interact with familiar faces during our outdoor adventures.
One familiar face has been an older woman who power walks for at least an hour daily. An impressive routine, my wife and I began noticing this woman consistently getting after it shortly after we moved into the neighborhood. When I say she power walks, I mean she POWER walks. Fist clenched, stride long, and arms swinging, her form reminds me of an angry parent stomping across the house reacting to a child misbehaving. If I wanted to walk through a wall, I’d emulate her form.
A few years ago, we were out riding bikes. This was during a time that my daughter, Evelyn, had just grown out of her shy phase and my three-year old, Sam, at the time was just entering his. Waving and saying hi to neighbors as we passed became an exciting activity for Evie. Her joy in getting people to kindly respond to her reminded me of being a kid and getting trucks to honk their horns on the highway. Each response felt like a win. As we were riding down the sidewalk, Mrs. Power Walker was trotting down the road in her typical fashion. As she passed by, Evelyn adorably says, “Good afternoon ma’am!”
Nothing.
She just kept trudging along as Evie looked confused. I told her she probably didn’t hear her.
A few weeks later, we were in a similar situation but on a walk rather than bikes. Less noise and more mobility to explore either side of the road. I noticed Ol Strider closing the distance in the same direction we were going. As she blew our metaphorical doors off, Evelyn attempted saying hello to her again.
Didn’t even look to acknowledge her.
There was zero background noise and we were much closer to her than the children’s first encounter with Ms. Speed Demon a few weeks prior. I’m not one to check older ladies but I had to internally hold myself back from calling her out to sternly help her acknowledge my daughter.
An effective way to encourage emotional reasoning in me is to attack my wife or kids in any way.
What was her deal?
My wife explained to Evelyn that she might be having a hard day or still didn’t hear her. I also said not all people are friendly but we can still be respectful and not let it hurt our feelings (even though I had other choice words in my head to describe our perceptually less-than lovely neighbor).
Similar occurrences happened a few times over the next few weeks, each time with my wife or I reminding Evelyn and Sam that we can always control our behavior while not being concerned with other's.
Then there was the day we were playing in the road outside of our house. I was holding my one-year old James and the older two were on bikes, throwing balls, and playing with various other toys we had gotten out. The kids were being loud and the side of the road was kind of a mess. I could see Stomps in the distance heading our way. As she got closer, the typical determined expression was cemented on her face as she advanced alongside the road we were playing on. Usually, I’d call the kids to the side and ensure I make a path to be courteous to anyone but not today. Remaining in her path, I was going to see how she responded to both me and my children who had previously tried to be nice to her many times over the past few months.
When she was about ten feet, she began slowing down and slightly putting her hands up. Her “normal” frown turned into a sweet smile as she gently said, “I’m sorry, I don’t see or hear very well. Are you kids having fun?!”
I was speechless.
It’s important to mention that I’m an audiologist - a doctor of hearing and balance. One of the primary populations my field serves is advanced age.
I didn’t even consider significant sensory deficits in this woman because I was emotionally reacting in defense of my children. There were countless charitable interpretations I could have provided that were more likely than her being a rude person that doesn’t like children. I jumped to conclusions thinking if she could walk that well then she must have enough situational awareness to recognize and acknowledge children.
I still get annoyed with myself when telling this story.
It’s also hilarious and a great personal reminder that we all are susceptible to being an ASSumer.
Cognitive Flexibility is a Skill
Cognitive flexibility is simply the ability to adapt your thinking as needed. Shifting attention, intention, and perception in response to circumstantial demands boosts performance and resilience.
Life is complex. Much of it is beyond our control.
Thought interpretation is THE first controllable response we have in our dynamic lives. We have the ability to choose our mental and subsequent physical actions.
Keep what you control conscious. Delegating our function to the subconscious ensures we will lean on establishing thinking patterns that generally apply to our environments.
There is no one size fits all in thinking.
Fixed mindsets prevent growth and restrain resilience. If you’re stuck in your ways regarding beliefs, opinions, and assumptions, you’re going to have a tough ride.
Cognitive flexibility is a skill like anything else. Unlike most skills, choosing to consider alternate perspectives in your thinking can be done right now.
The skill of adaptability is so important that formalized assessments have been created to measure it. Adaptability Quotient (AQ) measures the ability to learn from failure, consider alternate perspectives, maintain function despite uncertainty, and apply problem-solving skills in unique circumstances. Attributes strongly associated with AQ are cognitive flexibility, curiosity, humility, open-mindedness, pragmatism, and resilience.
The Adaptability Quotient and Emotional Quotient (measure of emotional intelligence) have been shown to be just as, if not more, important than Intelligence Quotient when predicting success or determining fulfillment of individuals and organizations.
AQ and EQ are skills that can be efficiently obtained with a set intention and consistent effort. Conscious competence in these realms results more from decisions than innate ability.
Considering perspectives beyond your initial assessment trains an adaptable mindset.
The beautiful thing about cognitive flexibility is that it doesn’t matter if your alternate perspective is wrong. Charitable interpretations aren’t for excusing bad behavior or being unrealistic, they’re tools to prevent emotionally reacting to uncontrollable factors.
The judgment of our thoughts is one of the few things we have control over. Training open-mindedness and cognitive flexibility encourages a rational response regardless of adversity.
Prevent needless rumination and optimize calm function with the skill of cognitive flexibility.
The more you do it, the better you get.
Cognitive flexibility is a decision that can be continuously made by asking yourself questions rather than jumping to conclusions.
With great will, you can acquire any skill.
Progressive Challenge Series: Develop Cognitive Flexibility
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